The piece that got the ball rolling

Isis Davis

I stood in the wings attempting to calm my breathing, beads of sweat forming on my brow. My adrenalin had kicked in after my five-minute call, and now I was shaking as I peered through a slit in the curtain and watched the audience take their seats… 

It was packed! Well, when I say packed, it was a small Edinburgh fringe venue with a capacity of around thirty people-ish, and half the audience were second-year students from my uni, who also had a show at the fringe… Whatever, point is, every seat was occupied and I was shitting it!

I’d never felt so nervous, struggling to compose myself… I had performed on countless stages in the past three years leading up to this point, but I’d never felt an inch of the nerves I felt that opening night. The reason being, I’d never performed my own words outside of the safety of my bedroom. That is, I’d showcased a couple of short monologues, but nothing like this!

This Is Who I Am! A 45-minute play written, created and about to be performed for the first time, by me… A familiar feeling of self-doubt crept in, and I couldn’t shake it… It’s become a habit at pivotal moments in my life, usually when things are going extremely well – I tend to question my ability, to feel ‘less than’, unworthy.

Hiding behind my bubbly, confident exterior, I’m plagued with self-doubt and, at times, it’s all-consuming, crippling even. This was turning into one of those moments… but I counted to ten, caught my breath, dug deep and thought, hell no, Satan, not today! Get your shit together, this is your moment, and you deserve it! Go get it!  

I muttered this makeshift mantra over and over under my breath, willing myself to believe in the words… Then suddenly, the various sounds of chairs shuffling, packets rustling, and whispered conversations faded to silence as the house lights went down… my heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. You deserve it! Go get it!  

I hobbled on in character from stage right. You could’ve heard a pin drop, all eyes on me. When I arrived in the centre of the stage I closed my eyes, took another deep breath and bared my character’s souls…

‘Life. It’s a funny old thing; I mean, we take it for granted. We all know death is promised, but life, it gets in the way…’

I managed to silence my inner saboteur and for the next forty-five minutes I had the audience eating out of the palm of my hand… Tears of sadness, hysterical laughter, gasps of shock, culminating with a standing ovation… Ecstasy as I took my bow!

Days later, I received shining reviews from critics and the play’s reception gave me the confidence and validation I needed to continue with my writing and performing journey.

Isis Davis

Isis Davis is an actress and writer.